sasuke`s

I dreamt of a place where I belonged. The memories flitted through my mind like a knife piercing my heart. I wanted to return to Konoha, really I did, but I couldn't. There were so many things I wished to tell the others. So many useless thoughts of washed out dreams I held for them. When the time came, I wondered, would I be the same. Could they possibly see me the way they used to, as Takeda Mika and not the Angel of Death? As the person who would sacrifice her own life to protect others instead of the one who took lives just for an unachievable goal. Revenge never looked so unpleasing.
It was times like these I wished I could simply fade away into nothingness. That was truly the place I belonged now, hollow darkness. I wouldn't be alone there. I was never alone any more. Akuma and Ankoku would follow me wherever I went. My fate would be theirs as well, and so they kept me alive. The two demonesses refused to give into death so easily, and made me relive the painful moments of my life, day in and day out. I was haunted by the faces of those who I've killed, troubled by their last screams of mercy. With that wicked smile plastered on my lips, I forced those shinobi to meet their judgment while I secretly waited for my own to come.
My eyes stared sightlessly at the ceiling above me. I lay sprawled out on top of my blanketed bed with my body forming the insignia of the cross. My bangs clung onto my forehead for dear life while various strands of my hair attached itself to my neck, cheek, and shoulders. Cold sweat dripped from my forehead forming a damp puddle on the blanket below me. I had awoken in my room without knowing how I managed to do so. My first thought was that Akuma or Ankoku had moved my body while I was unconscious, but the two demonesses denied ever doing so.
As if on cue, two silhouettes formed on either side of me. The beady red eyes of the first demoness stared at me in wonder. My eyes never faltered from the ceiling. Akuma watched me, silently taking in my actions as if they were her own. I was broken, and there was no one to blame except myself. Akuma's transparent hand rested on my forehead in a motherly fashion. She had grown so attached to me over the years, so inept to my emotions that she behaved like a human sometimes. In the span of two years we spent on our own, this behavior had become more frequent. Often times, she referred to herself as my other half. The part of me that no one could see, save for a few.
Ankoku snorted at Akuma in disgust. She was far from understanding the other demoness' actions, much like I was. I didn't know why Akuma suddenly started to act like this. At first it was subtle changes. Like when she told me to stay in Konoha on that sleepless night, or when she insisted on killing Orochimaru by her own to hands just to save me the trouble of staining my own with his blood. Ever since the pact had been sealed, she was much more obvious with her affections. She often appeared in front of me to attempt to soothe my mind from the strenuous training Ankoku pushed me through. Still, I couldn't understand her reasoning. In all honesty, I wasn't sure I wanted to.
My eyes fluttered shut as Akuma stroked my cheek. I could feel her calloused hands rub against my skin, and for some reason it was pleasant. It was the thought that I would never be alone that comforted me. Ever since Jaron had died, I felt hollow on the inside. As if my other half had suddenly vanished and would never return. But Akuma had filled that hole with her own presence. She had taken away that pain I felt for so long, and finally allowed the numb void to take over residence. I could feel nothing, because I was nothing.
With each passing day, I broke a little more on the inside, giving up that part of me as a sacrifice to the two demons that were harbored within my soul. I let Akuma and Ankoku feast on the remnants of my black heart without leaving so much of a scrap of humanity for myself. Yes, I was ready to die.
"When do you think it will happen..?" I inquired.
~Who's to say? Tomorrow, the day after that... Perhaps it will be a month from now, or a year...~ Akuma muttered.
"It's strange. I thought it'd be over by now," I laughed, dryly.
~*Worthless human, awaiting your death is no way to succeed in revenge*~ Ankoku seethed. ~*If you are so apt to die, then perhaps I should just kill you myself. It would save Akuma and I a lot of trouble.*~
Akuma shot the other demoness a menacing glare, ~The death of a broken soul is not something to resist. It is the fate of all jinchuurikis to become like this.~
~*Then is it the fate of all sealed demons to become like you, Akuma? To pity the being that continues to lock you away as if you were the plague?*~
I continued to stare straight ahead, eyes never leaving the tiled ceiling. My mind tuned out the conversation that was being carried on without my help. Akuma and Ankoku always did find themselves in the midst of a brawl over my own expense. Somehow it reminded me of my parents. The tone the two demonesses used was similar to theirs when they fought about my and Jaron's well being. As if that particular fight would ensure our death or survival. Maybe, in a way, it did...
Back then, Jaron never cared about me. He despised me, shunned me when we were in public. I was just a parasite sucking away his life, his strength, his popularity. In the past I didn't know the meaning of family, of having a brother who would give his life away for my own sake. We had our moments, of course, when we acted like true brother and sister while living in Sunagakure, but they were rare and far between. It was because of this my parents fought constantly. Jaron and I were competitive toward each other to win their affections. I would try to outdo him while he would attempt to do the same all in the sake of showing we were not truly equal, that we were more than just a pair of twins, we were separate beings. Of course, our parents never saw us that way.
The moment I realized that was the very moment Akuma had awakened within me. The day I killed my parents with the assistance of the very demon I came to both loathe and adore. Akuma was right, I would never be alone. She would stay within me until my very last breath, and then she would die along with me. My life was hers, and her life was mine. I didn't want it to end that way. I hated Akuma with all my being in my early years, and she hated me as well. Perhaps now she only felt pity for me. Maybe Ankoku was right... I was just causing them trouble with my humane weakness.
I sat up abruptly on the bed without so much of a warning to the two demonesses. Akuma glanced my way. Her mouth barely parted making it appear as if she had been in the middle of saying something to Ankoku. With a side glance toward Ankoku, I stood at the foot of my bed. Making my way to the wall on the opposite side of the window, I answered their unvoiced questions.
"Weakness is a curse that I choose not to endure much longer," I stated. "I'll train until I'm fit to use the power I've received freely, and without either of your assistance. That is the only way for me to achieve my one true goal before this useless existence of mine wears out on me."
My gaze rested on Akuma for a moment. Her transparent face became still as her crimson oculars shut, ~I see. So this is your decision then, my dearest.~
She faded out of sight soon after her words fluttered through the air. I stared at the spot on the bed for a moment before turning to look at Ankoku. Unlike Akuma, she didn't seem so despondent. In fact, she looked a little more excited than anything else. I suppose she just couldn't wait to see me tear myself apart a little more. That way, she could have the rest of me when I was through with this life.
~*It's admiral, really, to see such a pathetic being such as yourself aiming for death in all its gallantry. You do know, of course, that there is no turning back now. You have made you decision, and in the end you will have to accept completely without protest.*~
"I have already come to accept it, Ankoku, there is no more I can do," I muttered.
~*Ah, now that's the trick. It may feel that way to you, my pet, but I can sense the indecision still swirling within. Especially that which deals with a certain other aspect from your bleak past.*~
"What would you know of my past? You weren't there, you didn't see the suffering I was forced to endure... You couldn't even imagine-"
~*It is hidden deep within you, baka. The scars left on your conscious are enough to show the truth of how you feel. I know you still care deeply for the man, there's no use in denying it any longer. Even Akuma can see the truth you are hiding from yourself due to fear. Fear of being abandoned once more.*~
"You... You don't know anything about me!" I seethed, trying to keep my voice calm.
~*Have you forgotten already? I am a part of you, and I know all that there is to know. I am, after all, your dark side. Just as you once told your companions.*~
Just as Akuma did, Ankoku disappeared. I turned abruptly with rage fuming inside of me. I wanted to scream at the demoness for suggesting such a thing. However, the anger soon dissipated, overcome by the emptiness I still held within my heart. A wry smile formed across my lips. Ankoku truly was a part of me now. There wasn't a doubt in my mind; she really was my dark side.
Placing my hand on the black painted wall, I closed my eyes. In an instant, an explosion burned against my palm. Chunks of concrete and plaster cut and bruised my body as the wall crumbled into pieces due to the blast. Blood trickled down my legs, but the wounds healed quickly. Opening my oculars, I stepped forward falling down the small inclination from the new doorway I had created to the ground below. I knew the explosion would draw attention again, but I didn't care at the moment. In fact, I sort of wanted them to look for me. That way, I'd know if my existence meant anything to them now. Even if it was in the slightest way... I wanted to be acknowledged again.
The luscious green grass crumbled under my feet. With every crunch of the blades, I could feel my heart withering inside my chest. Deep within my heart laid the sins that I have done, and the truth I refused to believe. It was a ridiculous concept that I continued to hide from my own conscious mind. In a way, I suppose I knew all along, the true meaning for my continuous disappearances, and my rampant quest for revenge. My sole flaw was evident to anyone who cared to look, I just didn't realize it. Oh, how I wished my misery would end now.
My prayers went unanswered, which was no surprise to me. I didn't expect the gods to listen to my cries now. Not after I had done such terrible things, but still I suppose there was that annoying bit of hope left deep down. My face remained impassive as I stopped walking completely. A particular raven-haired boy stood in my way with his hand propped on his left hip. Sasuke stared at me with disinterest. My heart sank deeper inside my chest, breaking a little more. In the deepest part of my sins, I still felt the pain. No one would ever guess I was harboring such emotions deep down from looking at me. Only I knew, and it'd stay that way... forevermore.
"What do you want, Uchiha?" my voice was plain, without emotion.
Sasuke blinked, "You're off to train again, ne?"
"...What does it mean to you if I am or not?" I questioned.
"Fight me," he stated.
"Nani..?" I muttered. "Doushite? Why should I?"
Sasuke looked away from me, staring off to the right, "We still have a score to settle, remember?"
My eyes widened slightly, unable to hide the shock from my face. Memories began to flood my mind. I tried my best to force them away, but found I couldn't do anything of the sort. Finally, I just gave in.
--Flashback--

I headed to my usual training ground only to find someone else beat me to it. I dropped my bag next to a tree and leaned against it waiting for him to notice I was here. I smiled at him when his eyes widened.
"I guess I'm not the only one who trains in the morning," I sighed.
"Hn. Guess not," Sasuke replied walking over to me.
"Ready for the big exam?" I said mustering as much enthusiasm as I could.
I frowned when he didn't answer and started to glare at me. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Never mind," he sighed as he continued to train.
"Mind if I join you? It's been a while since I actually fought someone besides my clones," I shrugged.
"As long as you dont mind losing," he smirked at me.

--End Flashback--

Rest. In. Results.
Only you can give the breath of life...

A humorless laugh escaped my lips, drawing Sasuke's attention back to me. He stared at me with a plain expression before turning away again. I continued to laugh as the memories continued to flow, painfully unforgotten.

--Flashback--


I had to refrain from laughing out loud as he threw a kunai at her and she disappeared. I prepared myself for his attack as he ran towards me. Both our kunai met each other with a loud clank of metal on metal. He leaned forward a bit putting more strength on his attack.

"Why are you holding back?" he muttered coming even closer.

I pushed him back, "Who says I'm holding back?"

He panted slightly, "You're not even breaking a sweat. I've seen you train before remember? This is nothing compared to that. I know you're stronger than this. I want you to show me. Dont hold back anymore."

My eyes widened. He noticed? I didn't think anyone could tell that I was holding back. All this time I was trying my best not to show my full strength. Not even Jaron knows it. I wasn't sure if he could handle fighting me head on. He's already tired as it is now, and I'm not even using a tenth of my power. There's no way I'm going to show him it. At least not until I'm sure he can defend himself. I don't want to hurt him. No matter how lame that sounds. I can't do it.

I shook my head at him, "Now's not the time for that."

"Why not?" he hissed. I could tell he was angry at me. His hands tightened around the kunai in his hands. I still couldnt bring myself to launch a full out attack on him.

"Because I don't want to kill you," I muttered under my breath. I was hoping he didn't hear me, but I was obviously wrong.

"I'm not weak, Mika!" he yelled.

I looked at him, "I never said you were! If anyone's weak, Sasuke, it's me! I can't do it because I love you too much!"


--End Flashback--

The pain inside my heart only increased. My fists clenched. It took everything I had not to break down now. After all this time, I had forced that memory into the depths of my consciousness. Out of sight, and out of mind. The more I lingered on it, the more pain I was forced to endure. Obviously Sasuke was out to cause me agony. It must be his new purpose in life. Can't kill Itachi yet? Don't worry; you can just torture me for the time being. No big deal.

"How could I forget?" I murmured. "All that foolishness I spluttered that day. Hn. You want a fight, you have one, Uchiha. Don't worry. I have no reason to hold back now. There is no more love inside my blackened heart, only hatred for you and my uncle, Uchiha."

Sasuke turned to face me once again. The usual emotionless mask residing on his face, "Hn. The feeling is mutual, Takeda."




Chapter Song: Autumn's Monologue, by From Autumn to Ashes

--Not a lot happened in this chappie, ne? Oh well, it pretty much just leads to the next. Whooooo an intense fight scene between Mika and Sasuke. Who will win? Who will lose? What could possibly happen to the young exlovers? xDDD You'll just have to wait to find out. ^-^

Be happy I updated, because I'm in so much freaking pain right now. If I didn't get this out, I would have died from anticipation. Hehe. Hope you liked it, lovelies!!!--